me and my mother, wondering...

 As the situation is improving between me and my mother, I can easily wonder on the following subject: why I don't want her tea at all. I always want to reject her offer to drink her tea.

The first answer that immediately came up as I was asking this from myself, was: I actually DO want something from her. So I think it is good to focus on that. What do I want from her? So I don't want her tea, right. So let's leave that beside. (my English high-school, sry)

Another impression I always get, is that SHE wants something from me. Probably attention? She's always happy when she gets the attention... maybe we are taught that it is wrong to want that... but she does want attention I think.

I can give attention... so what do I want? I don't know... but I feel I do want something from our relationship. So now that I'm 29 and she's almost 60, what do I need? I am actually happy to accept money from that source, that's a good idea, but that's something she almost never gives.

That's another taboo right, because a grown-up man should maybe earn money and give it to mother or something? Well it most certainly isn't the case in our relationship. If I earn some money, I always keep it to myself and make sure she doesn't get any of it.

I could beat her at chess finally in my teenage years... and in ice hockey of course... so we are fond of games, both of us.

So I would love this meditation stuff together, she rejects, at least she hasn't participated when seeing me in meditation. So I asked her, can I sometimes come to your yoga place that you visit now once a week? She replied it is closed because of corona.

She keeps offering me this bad literature, like poetry and books about how a young man studies in university and tries to win the heart of a female he loves. I reject these.

So then she asked me to watch together this TV show, "Father Brown", where this priest also solves murders. They do know that TV show and it is something they actually like, my father even makes funny remarks and my mother laughs when something happens to some of the characters.

She was also a lot about this "activity together" offers, like going skiing together on a very cold day. And that one was like, we must go together with my sister and this is something that cannot be rejected. So I went... I don't know why it was like that, the energy, like this offer cannot be rejected... so I didn't break that one. I went.

She was really fond of theatre once, so I thought, maybe I could invite her over here and watch some Mozart opera together from this big TV over here... but I feel that is also a taboo for her.

So now I have no idea what they are doing... and I have left them alone in a way, my mother and father... I don't know what they do now.... like what do they do in general? I have no idea. They are both 60-something years old.

She was putting lot of ideas towards my education in the past, but I managed to escape that. It is not something I would like.

So I just give this one up and do nothing... I have no clue...